RANMA 1/2: A Change For The Worse by Shunsuke shunsuke@mailcity.com Author's note: This story is the first of a three-part series, but can be considered complete by itself. Once I post part two, if you read part two you will need to read part three. This first story began as a response to all the stories where (choose one): [ ] Akane dies [ ] Ranma dies [ ] Nabiki dies [ ] Kasumi dies [ ] Ukyo dies [ ] ANYBODY dies This is supposed to be a goddamned comedy series! I felt that a story needed to be written that would counter the morose and sometimes sick deathfics and darkfics with a story that has a happy and humorous ending, while still allowing the tension surrounding a death. This first story borrows from two well known movies of the last few years. One you should be able to guess, as it is the plot of the first half of my story, and is also the origin of this story's title. The other movie I steal from is used in a very bad joke; if you don't get it, a spoiler follows. Events in this series take place during the TV series, so don't expect and major departures from character...except for one person. :-) Their actions will be unpredictable, but they won't be out of line from Ms. Takahashi's series. Well, enough of my prattling on. Onto chapter one of... ============================================================ R A N M A 1/2 : A Change For The Worse Part 1 : Ranma and Louis ============================================================ [Saturday afternoon at the Tendo dojo. Soun and Genma are cheating at shogi, Akane is training in the dojo, Kasumi is making dinner, and Ranma and Nabiki are talking in her bedroom. We enter and listen to what they say...] Ranma: Go with you to a party? What gives? Nabiki: Not you, boy-Ranma, but the girl-Ranma. Ranma: Two girls on a date? Are you sick, Nabiki? Nabiki: My dear brother-in-law to be, how wrong you are. It is a college frat party. No outside guys, only girls are invited. Obviously, this means no dates. I simply wish to have someone accompany me for my safety. Akane would not be willing, Kasumi would tell Father, and certainly none of your fiancees would do it if you weren't there. Ranma: So I'm the last on your list. You better do something to make it worth my while. Nabiki: Of course. It wouldn't be sisterly of me to do otherwise. [Nabiki hands Ranma an envelope. He opens it, blood draining from his face when he sees the photos inside.] Nabiki: My, you certainly seemed concerned when Ukyou was feeling bad. Holding her hand, Ranma, that's not like you. I'm sure Daddy and Akane would not be impressed. Ranma: [resigned] So when do we go? Nabiki: We'll sneak out of the dojo at 11PM. It's about six miles away, so you better bring enough cab fare for us. Ranma: [groan] ********** [It is now late evening. Everyone has gone to bed, or at least their rooms. Genma is in panda form, snoring. He just changed when Ranma dumped cold water on himself... herself. She hoped it would wake her father, thus avoiding the night out. She looked disappointed.] [Sneaking outside, Nabiki is by the gate waiting for Ranma-chan.] Nabiki: [whispering] Took you long enough. Ranma-chan: Pop rolled off his futon onto my arm. What was I supposed to do, wake him up and ask him to move? Nabiki: [obviously not believing him] Sure, Saotome. ********** [Nabiki and Ranma-chan arrive in good time to catch the party in full swing. The drinks are flowing and so are many girls skirts. Nabiki is greeted by someone she knows in the Lambda frathouse as he drinks a "Fool's Gold" beer.] Nabiki: Hi, Wataru! How's things? Wataru: Not bad...so who's your kawaii friend here? Nabiki: This is Ranma, my...cousin. Wataru: Mmm...a country cousin? Maybe you don't see too many men out there. I know a few guys who woul- Nabiki: Forget it, Wataru, she's spoken for. Wataru: Well, if you change your mind, talk to me. Anyway, I'll let you mingle. Beer is on the left, and the grub's in the kitchen. Have fun! [he walks off to another girl] Nabiki: That's a free one from me, Ranma, it's the only one tonight. You're on your own now. Ranma-chan: [muttering] So generous. [walks into the kitchen] Wow, that's quite a spread... [Numerous boxes of pizza, chips, pop, juice, sandwiches, and other goodies are laid out on the counter. On the floor behind the counter, something else is laid out.] Girl: Oh, Sato-san, don't stop... Boy: [moaning] Tell me when you feel it...oh yeah! [Ranma-chan's appetite is gone. She turns and leaves, running right into the arms of a tall collegian.] Collegian: Hiya, your kawaii-ness! Like to learn a little about college life? Maybe Biology 101, or Chemistry 200? Ranma-chan: Buzz off, creep. [He grabs Ranma-chan by one arm, stroking her cheek with the other.] Collegian: C'mon, honey let's be agreeable here. Ranma-chan: See if this agrees with you! [Ranma-chan gives an uppercut to his chin, then watches as he slides down the wall to the floor. Ranma-chan then walks over him into the main room. A girl walks up to Ranma-chan and speaks to her.] Girl: You better watch it, sweetie, that's Hannibal. He usually takes what he wants, so you'd be better off being friendly. Ranma-chan: Fat chance! I'm not kissing him! Girl: Kissing? That's the least of you're worries! [laughs] Well, you've got spunk! Anyway, I'm Shiori. Ranma-chan: I'm Ranma. So how'd you get dragged in here? Shiori: Oh, this is just the usual weekend party. Free food, free beer, free sex...here, take this. You'll want it later! [Ranma-chan looks at the square, plastic packet with a ring-shaped item inside.] Ranma-chan: What's this thing? Shiori: [yelling] Hey, we got a fresh one here! [speaking] If you don't know by now, you've got problems, honey! It's a condom, you'll need it when you and a guy go upstairs later. [Blood drains from Ranma-chan's face. A look of sheer panic enters her eyes.] Ranma-chan: Y-you mean... Shiori: That's right, babe, you don't come to a party like this and not expect it, do you? Ranma-chan: Uhh, excuse me, I've gotta find someone... Shiori: Okay, but have a beer and loosen up, alright? [Ranma-chan passes Shiori, who watches Ranma-chan walk away.] Shiori: [thinking] I might just want you for myself. ********** [Nabiki is sitting on a couch between two guys, and each has one hand on her thigh. Ranma-chan walks up to her with a worried look on her face.] Ranma-chan: Uhh, Nabiki, can I have a word with you? [Nabiki looks annoyed, but excuses herself and gets up. The two go to a corner of the room where a couple is necking in a chair.] Nabiki: What is it now? I was just about to close a deal with those guys. If you've blown it, you owe me! Ranma-chan: Nabiki, do you know what kind of party this is? Nabiki: Of course. I've been to several of them. [Ranma-chan is shocked. After closing her slack jaw, she starts again.] Ranma-chan: Then you know...about uhh... Nabiki: You mean the sex? Ranma-chan: [gulps] Yeah. Nabiki: Don't worry, I'm still a virgin. I always leave before it's time to start stripping. Ranma-chan: Well, when is that? I've already been hit on twice! Nabiki: Only twice? You must be sending out bad vibes. Don't worry, we'll only be here for two more hours. [Ranma-chan groans.] Ranma-chan: So what do I do until then? Nabiki: [smiling] Have fun! [now scowling] Now get lost, I've got business to discuss. [Nabiki goes back to her place, the two guys' hands go right back where they were. Ranma-chan is shaking her head, then turns around on hearing a voice.] Other guy: Hey, babe, want to do the horizontal tango? [The other guy is left gasping for air, holding himself in a painful spot as Ranma-chan's foot returns to the floor.] ********** [Over the next hour, Ranma-chan gets comfortable, having a chance to eat and have a few dances, even if it is with guys. Some loose hands on the dance floor have tested her patience, however.] Shiori: [walking up to Ranma-chan] Hey, you're pretty good! Ranma-chan: Thanks. Say, you got any advice on how to handle these guys? Shiori: Sure! Stop worrying about them. It's gonna happen, so why not lie down and enjoy it? [Ranma-chan and Shiori sit down.] Shiori: I guess you're not that kind of girl? Ranma-chan: You don't know the half of it. Shiori: Well, if you don't want one of the guys, I can think of something else to do... Ranma-chan: If anything, I just want to leave. I can't go quite yet, though. I have to wait for someone. Shiori: What would you say about trying this... [Turning Ranma-chan's chin toward's her, Shiori kisses Ranma-chan while running her right hand up Ranma-chan's inner thigh. Ranma-chan has an immediate reaction.] Ranma-chan: AAAAIIIGGGHHHH! HENTAI! [Ranma-chan races from the room crying, and quickly finds Nabiki standing in a doorway talking to Hannibal.] Ranma-chan: That's it, Nabiki, I'm outta here! If you want to stay, fine, but I'm going home. Nabiki: What's the matter, Ranma, did a boy kiss you? Ranma-chan: No. N-not exactly... [Nabiki sniggers, guessing at what happened.] Nabiki: [to Hannibal] Sorry, big boy, time to go home. [Hannibal points to Ranma-chan.] Hannibal: I don't think so. She punched me out before, so it's payback time now. [Nabiki has a worried look on her face as Hannibal grabs her arm and starts leading her away.] Hannibal: C'mon, babe, we're going upstairs. Ranma-chan: Oh, no, you don't. You gotta deal with me before you try anything with her. Hannibal: Oh, you wanna get laid, too, huh? I've never tried it before with two girls at once. Let's go. [Ranma-chan provides a quick flurry of punches and kicks that knocks down Hannibal. Before he can recover, Ranma-chan grabs Nabiki's arm and heads for the door.] Ranma-chan: Party's over, Nabiki, deals closed or not. Nabiki: I think that's a good idea... [The two get outside and begin to walk away quickly. A few seconds later, Hannibal runs out the door at them, enraged.] Hannibal: That's it! You're dead meat, bitch! [Hannibal jumps and kicks out at Ranma-chan who dodges easily. The two square off, Ranma-chan recognizing the martial arts stance of her opponent.] [After a short trade of punches, Ranma-chan realizes Hannibal has steeled himself for the fight; the earlier knockdowns were the because he did not expect the attacks.] [Ranma-chan's short reach is a definite disadvantage. She is quickly grabbed, punched, and thrown down by her larger opponent. While she is gasping for her breath, Hannibal takes the opportunity to grab Nabiki, get out his keys, and tries to force her into his car.] Nabiki: Ranma! Please, help me! Don't let him rape me! Please!!! [Ranma-chan gets up, staggers, but has a look of pure hatred on her face. Catching her breath, she builds up chi-energy and prepares to attack.] Ranma-chan: Alright, buddy, you've had your fun, now it's my turn. TENSHIN AMIGURIKEN! [A lighting fast barrage of punches hit Hannibal's back, sending him forward onto the ground, Nabiki underneath him. He pushes off her, getting up and turning to face Ranma-chan. With an evil grin, he attacks with a similar style to the Amiguriken technique, but uses chops instead of punches.] [Hannibal's larger size and slower speed give Ranma-chan the opportunity inside. Several punches and kicks to the head and chest knock him down, leaving him gasping for breath as Ranma-chan advances. A chi-dragon appears between the two, exploding in front of Hannibal. His attempted technique is not completed as he is sent flying backwards, his head slamming into the back of his car, a horrifying crack heard as he hits.] [Ranma-chan carefully walks over to check on him as Nabiki gets up. The fear on Ranma-chan's face is evident.] Nabiki: Thanks, Ranma, that was close. Ranma-chan: N-Nabiki...he's not breathing. There's no pulse. [Nabiki's face pales.] Nabiki: A-are you sure? You didn't just miss it? Ranma-chan: He's as silent as death. [From the frathouse, numerous frat members and women emerge to see what has happened. The voices are indistinguishable to Ranma-chan and Nabiki, but the crowd pointing at them and running towards them speaks volumes.] Ranma-chan: Nabiki! We've gotta get out of here! They'll kill us! Nabiki: Hand me his keys! I know how to drive. [Both hop into the convertible as the crowd advance. As it happened, a police car arrived to check on a noise complaint. One frat member points out Ranma-chan and Nabiki to the police officer, signalling furiously.] Ranma-chan: Hurry! The cops are coming! [Nabiki starts the car, spinning tires on the grass as they pull away. The police siren begins wailing and chases after them.] Nabiki: Let's see if they know this one! [Nabiki spins the car around, and plays chicken with the police car. Ranma-chan puts her feet up against the dashboard to cushion herself against the collision, closes her eyes and grits her teeth. Nabiki has an evil look on her face as the two cars close the distance.] [At the last second, the cop blinks, turning left and crashing into a tree. Nabiki turns her head, looks, and laughs a scared laugh as Ranma-chan sits up.] Ranma-chan: I guess we're safe now. Nabiki: It's not over yet, just listen. [Ranma-chan listens carefully as another siren can be heard. Nabiki races away trying to find a place to hide, but a cop car pulls up behind them, too close to shake off.] [After a few miles, Nabiki steers the car onto a highway as more police cars join the chase.] Ranma-chan: [shivering] Oh, man, what are we gonna do? Nabiki: We're not finished yet, brother-in-law! ********** [Twenty miles and several crashed police cars later, Hannibal's car is still on the road, but both Ranma-chan and Nabiki realize it is just a matter of time before they are caught.] [A few miles back, they had been forced off the highway and into a neighborhood near the ocean. Soon they are boxed in and run out of ways to escape.] Ranma-chan: [resigned] We're done for, Nabiki. We'll have to give up soon. Nabiki: I've gotta find us a way out of here! [The car is eventually forced onto a dead end road. The way back is full of cop cars who have blockaded the exit. Nabiki and Ranma-chan sit in the car and can hear the voice over the speakers.] Police: Turn off the engine and come out with your hands up. You have five seconds! [Ranma-chan and Nabiki turn to each other with worried looks on their faces. Both realize the inevitable.] Ranma-chan: If there was some way to get out, somewhere we could hide, or disguise ourselves! [Nabiki hears Ranma-chan's words, and something clicks in her head. She begins to smile, looking at Ranma-chan. Ranma-chan realizes why Nabiki is looking at her and starts to smile as well. They have an escape.] Ranma-chan: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Nabiki: You bet. Let's do it!!! [They shout in unison as Nabiki floors the car.] Ranma-chan: YAAAAAHHHH!!! [The police advance as Hannibal's car hits the barrier at the cliff-edge; their eyes follow as the car goes over and crashes at the bottom in an explosion. As the police reach the edge and look down, they resign themselves to the deaths of the two people.] [Having information gained from Nabiki's friends at the frat party, the police begin the unenviable task of informing the families.] ********** [Three weeks pass. Visitors have come and gone from the dojo, offering their condolences over the deaths of the two children.] [Ukyou was overwrought, and left Nerima on the day the news broke; she left a forwarding address where her father lived, but was not there, and no one has been able to locate her.] [Shampoo was also upset. Knowing her tribal rules were the only reason she was here, she, Cologne and Mousse went back to Joketsuzoku. Even the old ghoul had shown remorse, and gave Mousse a whack for smiling at news of Ranma's death.] [Ryouga had come by, but couldn't bring himself to talk to Akane. He had wanted to defeat Ranma, not win by default. Everyone was sad when he said he wouldn't be back for awhile. Since then, no one had seen any sign of him; perhaps he truly was lost.] [Kuno Tatewaki and Kodachi both came to pay their respects. Kuno showed surprising restraint and dignity during his visit; he did not even make the attempt to ask Akane for a date or attempt to comfort her. Kodachi was very distraught, so much so she had to be carried home by Sasuke after hugging Kasumi, Genma, and Soun... but *not* Akane.] [Genma was listless, and Soun simply crying all day, spending half of it in bed; their shogi board was gathering dust. Kasumi had wept, but as usual was the tower of strength in the household, comforting those who were sad...especially Akane, who had stopped training altogether.] [It was late afternoon, and Akane was sitting in her room looking out her window, avoiding the homework in front of her. She could see the gate from where she sat. Every day she watched the sun set, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. She had accepted that Ranma and Nabiki were dead, but was having a hard time coping without them.] [The gate to the yard opened, and Akane wondered who their visitor was. Knowing so many people cared made life easier. Through the door came a Chinese boy and...] Akane: FATHER! KASUMI! MR. SAOTOME! RANMA'S HERE! HE'S ALIVE! [Akane raced downstairs yelling the news to all. Everyone doubted her until through the door to the yard they saw Ranma's smiling face.] [Akane ran into his arms, crying openly. Genma wept with joy, while Kasumi smiled at the knowledge of at least one lost lamb returning home. Only Soun could not smile; his tears only reduced in amount.] Ranma: Hey, what's goin' on? Why is this tomboy hugging me? You act like you've see a ghost. Genma: [shoves Akane aside to hug Ranma] Oh, my son! My only son! You've returned to your father! Oh, now we can plan the wedding! Ranma: Hey, I didn't come back for that. I'd rather leave again! Akane: FINE! Go ahead, you stupid jerk! You'd never appreciate how much we've all cried over you! [Akane turns and walks away, tears streaming down her face.] Ranma: Akane, wait! I didn't mean it like that! [Kasumi walks in front of a storming Akane and hugs her.] Kasumi: Please, Ranma, everyone, let's go inside and sit down. I'll make tea, and Ranma, you tell us what happened. ********** [Everyone is inside seated around the table. Akane sits next to Ranma, facing the garden, Kasumi and Soun to Akane's right, Genma, his back to the garden, and Ranma's friend facing Soun and Kasumi.] Genma: So tell us what happened, boy. Kasumi: I think it would be more polite to introduce your friend first, Ranma. Ranma: Okay. Everyone, this is Louis, a friend I met in China. Louis: How do you do. [No one really seems interested in meeting Louis; everyone's attention is back on Ranma immediately. Louis sits in silence, drinking his tea.] Akane: What were you doing in China? Ranma: Well, let me tell ya... [Ranma begins to tell the story of the night of the party. He describes the chase up to the point where Nabiki stopped the car near the edge.] Ranma: ...so we knew we were in trouble then. We realized we couldn't go back and get arrested. I knew I could hide from the police if I got some hot water, but we didn't know what to do for Nabiki. Then it hit us: we looked at each other, and said the same thing. Akane: What? Ranma: Hold your horses, I'm getting to that. [Akane grows angry, but stops talking.] Ranma: Nabiki floored the car, flying over the edge to where it crashed in a ball of fire. Before we hit the bottom, I picked up Nabiki, jumping into the ocean; I guess the police never saw us. We swam for the nearby docks, and stowed away on a ship to China. Soun: But why did you go to China? Ranma: Because we both realized the only way for Nabiki to hide from the police was to do it the same way as me... [Soun worriedly turns his gaze from Ranma to Louis, who is looking at him.] Louis: Hello, Daddy. [Soun slowly passes out, falling backwards.] ********** [Soun wakes up, lying on the floor covered in a blanket, a pillow under his head.] Kasumi: I think father's coming around, everyone. Soun: I must have been dreaming. I thought I heard a boy calling me 'Daddy'. I know I have no sons, except my daughter's fiancee. [Nabiki puts her face over Soun's, confirming that she is alive. He sees her visage and begins to cry.] Soun: Oh, my beloved daughter, it brings me great joy to know you are alive, even if my debts are still outstanding. Nabiki: It's nice to see you too, Daddy. Yes, that is me, I am a boy when I get hit with cold water. [Soun slowly sits up and looks at Nabiki, taking her hands in his.] Soun: But why, my child? Why did you go to Jusenkyo? Nabiki: I think I'll let Ranma finish that story. [Nabiki looks at Ranma, who acknowledges this as a signal to continue.] Ranma: When we were seen at the frat party, I was a girl; nobody there knew I'm a guy, so by changing back I could hide from the police. By changing Nabiki to a guy, she could come back and be safe. The police wanted two girls for murder, not two guys. Hiding Nabiki as a boy would keep her out of prison. Akane: Murder? Ranma: Yeah, I checked the guy on the ground after I hit him. He had no pulse and stopped breathing. I could tell he was dead. Akane: Uh, Ranma?... Ranma: Yeah? Akane: The guy you hit...he's a martial artist. Ranma: You mean he was. Akane: No, he is. He knows a technique to feign death when in a deadly situation. When you attacked him for trying to rape Nabiki, he turned comatose and just lay there. [Blood begins to drain from Ranma's face. An equal amount rushes into Nabiki's.] Ranma: B-but... Akane: The people who came outside weren't yelling at you. They knew the guy had tried to rape women before. They were coming to help you, not chase you. The police only came after you when you and Nabiki stole his car. [Ranma gulped, and turned to look at Nabiki. She was not smiling.] Nabiki: You mean...to tell me...THAT I HAVE TO SPEND HALF THE REST OF MY LIFE AS A GUY BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR STUPID MARTIAL ARTS???!!! AAAARRGGHHH!!! [Ranma is backing away as best as he can from Nabiki who is surrounded by a red haze. She grabs a bucket of cold water from nowhere and splashes herself...himself, and then grabs one of Akane's hyperspace mallets.] Ranma: W-w-wait, Nabiki, we can go back to China and find a cure! I'll get a boat! [Nabiki-kun begins to advance on him.] Ranma: I'll pay triple interest on what I owe you! [She...he still advances.] Ranma: Aaaaahhh!!!! Nabiki, it was your idea to go to the party! [A chase now begins around the house and the dojo. The now faster Nabiki-kun is close behind a screaming Ranma, occasionally swinging his mallet, almost connecting several times.] Ranma: HELP! Somebody! Pop! PLEASE!!!! [Soun, Genma, and Kasumi are now all smiling.] Soun: Ah, Genma, my friend, it gives me such joy to see our children alive and well. [The chase passes the main room, and Nabiki-kun swings at his father's head on the way by, connecting solidly.] Nabiki-kun: I do not feel very well! I wanna be a girl! [Kasumi runs to Soun's side to help him.] Genma: Ah, poor Tendo. Perhaps we should have engaged Ranma to Nabiki instead of Akane. [The chase makes a second pass, and a second swing at a second father occurs. Genma now keels over, unconscious.] Nabiki-kun: I WOULD RATHER DIE!!! [Akane sits watching this mayhem. The smile on her face is noticeable, but borne out of happiness, not frivolity.] Akane: [thinking] I am so happy...I have my sister back, I've gained a brother...and Ranma's home. My iinazuke is home. [Akane keeps smiling and watching the race as a tear runs down her cheek.] ============================================================ END OF PART 1 ============================================================ There, that wasn't so bad...okay, maybe it was. The "Thelma and Louise" storyline popped into my head after reading one of those depressing fanfics about someone's death. I never liked the "T&L" ending and thought this might be a way to redo it. The other movie I borrowed from...well, here goes: 1) Nabiki became _Louis_, who is Ranma's _friend_ 2) The brand of beer served at the party was "Fool's Gold" 3) When Ranma killed the frat brother, the man lay _silent_ 4) The frat house was named 'Lambda'; also Kasumi thought of Ranma as a 'lost _lamb_' returning home 5) the frat brother's nickname was _Hannibal_ I think that's enough clues for you. If you have any comments or criticism for me, or of me, send them to: shunsuke@mailcity.com Any response is welcome (except if it's two words where the second word is 'off' or 'you' :-). Dewa mata, Shunsuke Ichikawa